It's over

19 dec 2010..

My birthday was like any other normal days...
Every year this day will be lonely...
This year, abit diff...
I was happy! but also abit sad...

Happy! cause there's a small group of ppl celebrate it with me...
Thanks alot guys!(:

Sad! cause i thought you would remember, and will be the first to wish me...
but nvm la... you didn't did it on purpose, just mix up the dates... and was late by half an hour...
still i got happy after you wish me, though it was half an hour late! (: not blaming you...

It's over le... that's it... hoping that what i wish for would come true ba.

Still i'm reminding myself certain facts...
Somethings i must know, and bear in mind...
It's also a reason why i dont dare to step one step forward....
I should just quietly wait for you ba....

Sometimes while chatting with you, i really wish you were beside me....
So you are able to see my reactions or know how i feel....
haiis... it's impossible la...

It may be the perfect cup of tea for me, but do i get the chance to drink it?

Things ain't easy as it seems....

Nights readers!

~ With determination, i'll try and i'll wait~

Short and simple

I'm currently working at Sushi Tel @ Nex mall!
It's the beginning and sure there's lots of problem,
but i'm sure things will turn well after sometime.

I sure of certain things.
Yes! I like you.
but i always bear in mind certain things....
and keep on reminding myself of it....
It's my first time trying and waiting for a special 'you'
I dont wish for much.... ( none of my wish came true before though)
So day passes fast each day... and dont know when will things gonna change....

nights readers
update in a weeks time!

~ your words do hurts sometimes but neither i show nor tell~

I thought things went the right way...

Yes, finally '' level i over.
Awaited long enough for this day to come...

Though it's the holday now...
freedom is all around me...
but still there are things that makes me emo...
i'm fated to be an emo kid..

Sometimes i do wonder whether am i a failure?
I would nvr get the things i wanted...
No matter how much i wish for,or strive for...
It would either slips pass my palm, or nvr even got a chance to grab it...
Ya, i like you. But i didn't show or tell you...
It's because i'm scared... i'm shy to take the first move...
maybe i should really make up my mind ba...
and now i really had came out with the correct decision...
I thank god for letting me know, what i should do...

I'm just a person, that cames into your life suddenly,
then after leaving footprints, i left.... o,o
it's just all this that could come to my mind...
should i be sad or happy?
something cant be explain... cause no one knows why...
Days spent with you was enjoyable...
It's gonna be short, and i'm gonna treasure it...
Not gonna say a word to you, dont wish you realise anything...
I just want you to forget me, and live happily.

Maybe, when the next time i saw you, we will be total strangers.
Hope that i would see you again. I'm leaving you.
I really know now le.

Nights reader.
I wont smile again...
even if my mouth smile, the knife still remains in my heart.
))))):

( It's impossible, even if i say it now.)
( I will miss you, but i wont say.)

I wanna say something..

Ok O level have started!
It's really time to concentrate!

A sotong:
I'm not trying to irritate you..
but just that i want to talk to you.
Promised to you, that i'm gonna drew that penguin for you.
I mean, it. And your words motivated me.
You said.: " Good things worth waiting! "
Happy ttm when i heard this! Cool!
I've started drawing and 2months is the max time you gonna wait.
Thanks!(:

Special you:
So awkward without you around.
You went oversea at the wrong time...
But nvm... your action touch me again.
Though those letter contain short para..
It all motivates me alot!
Thanks sis! you're the best!

We learn to pick up things, but also remember to learn to put down also.
I may seems positive to you, actually i'm not...
But what can i do...
so just close one eye and think positive lo!
I started to be positive because that cute sotong taught me!

haiiss... dont know what to say already....
Wish i could pass all the upcoming exams ba.

~I gotta close an eye to say i miss you~

I'm not happy at all...

The opposite of 'come' is 'go'.

Special one.-:
We knew each other not too long ago...
slowly we become very good friends...
then you become my sister...
Things change each day, and i knew we were part after sometime...
Today, it's the last day, and also the last time...
i am able to go to school with you...
take bus with you...
play and have fun with you.
you brought to me lots of fun joy and laughter.
You taught me things too.
I really wish that we would not part but still this things cant be avoided...
This is live, many things are fated.
I thank god for letting me to get to know you.
It's fated!:P
You surprise did touch me! Thank you!
I dont know what to say... but just have to admit that...
you are the best sister i have among all.
Though now i know we'll start to drift... but still
i willl try my very best to keep in contact with you.
Your response to my that "question" was not what i expected...
but still i gotta accepted it. it's special i admit, cause a special person gives special reply.
hahas... i'm not talking sense now, i think...
Anyway, thanks lots!(: loves!

Exactly one week to 'O' levels.
I dont think i'm gonna make it...
I doint have time to study...
i'm tired...
though my motivation is there to study...
but still dont know why i cant...
can somebody tell me why...
i'm putting aside all stuffs...
hope miracle happen ba...
i'm already chiong-ing god!
haiis....

I've got so many things to say to somebody.
But i dont think it's right to do so.
And i just want to simply tell you that,
i'm not angry at you.

Sotong girlgirl, i'm use to your unique character.
like finally!!(: know i'm starting to understand you.
You really let me know what is call...
the cold and hot times! Cool!

Never gonna give up anything!
Party till insane after 'O's

~I just wanna say, i miss you~

Gotta let it be...

Quite sometime didn't post le...
Many words to say, but just dont know how to start it...
Maybe start from the past ba...

-somebody-
Frankly speaking...
i abit angry at you.
but what for sia, i ask myself...
you ain;t that important to me anymore..
i'm not the cruel one.. it's you...
you had your happy life now.
so i dont even need to care right...?
Your words were all so convincing.
And i dont even think you know me now...
A total stranger as can say...
fine, things change.
I'm not gonna do anything and we see how things goes.

-Girl ar-...
You are just so 'uncommentable'....
Though me and you we like still very cold....
but i hope things could really change...
a few sms a day.. or not even one...
from you, can say it's killing me....last time...
now i can say... i'm use to it le...
It's up to you whether anot to sms me...
it's your character... so i'm accepting it...
You are just a innocent individual...

-Mei ar-
Sometimes i wonder whether is it too late to get to know you...
What if i had known you earlier??
Though the time we spent together is not alot...
but i do treasure my every second with you.
you gave me a very different feelings from the others...
I feel so warmth, fun and laugh alot when i'm with you.
Speaking the truth! I did not sleep in class for a week le..
As every morning i become your punching bag...
who hits away all my sleeping worm. hahahas!
I enjoy my time being with you.
You are a special individual...

In this world, everyone is different.
And people do change.

-Xiong di-
You've have change, do you realise?
Dont you realised that people around you are start to dislike you?
Dont you realised that somewhat your actions or words are affecting people around you...
Yes, you maybe good at everything....
but what's the point if you did not have a good character?
It's fine with me, whether you change into a monster or what...
cause the one losing out is not me and its you.
Knowing you long enough...
i'm sure you would come to your senses one day and realise your mistake.
i still have trust in you!(:

Night readers.
Have a nice night.
Studying now.
Got 4th in class... sadded):
Should have got better.
nvm, work harder for the last lap.

~I do, really, like you! you believe?~

I cant..

Today is already 30/09
It only three weeks to 'o' level...
only two weeks left for me in school...
chances of seeing you is getting lesser...

I'm not angry at you,
i'm not ignoring you,
i'm just making myself to accept who you are...
~
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring.
Pretty, cute. Excellent partners for life. Protective.
Inventive and imaginative. Cautious.
Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others.
Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
~
This is what horoscope says about Cancer.
I find it somehow true..

It doesn't make a difference whether do i sms you or never...
Dont you feel that something is not right?
I dont blame you, maybe you are too young to know..
I can only blame myself for falling into a special person like you.
I got nothing to say...
I wish nothing changes when holidays come.
Night readers.

~I'm timid to tell you, i miss you~

Fated ?O,o..

Yesterday was unexpected, as i can say so...
I somehow believe in fate...
and now, i have 80% trust in 'God'.

Firstly, went school with Krusita...
hahas. She so funny, then keep 'jacking' me...
hahas. unexpected...

Secondly, asist manager wasn't feeling well....
i was called back to help at night....
so i went.... unexpected....

Thirdly, i was on my way to work...
need take bus from tpy interchage....
bus 73... then i went to queue for it...
but then my so called ' senses' told me that 'she' is in tpy central....
ok then i got out of the queue... and went to withdraw money...
then i say to myself.... if we have fate we will meet each other...
just when i finish... i looked up.... OMG!!! 'she' really did appear in front of me....
I was wordless, and we just say hello... O,O... OMG!
hahhahahs... happy!(: .... unexpected... for the first time...!!

Fourth, i was called to take charge of the queue for the first time...
hahahas.... not much ppl today but still got abit jam in between....
at the end, i was so thirsty.... and hide in the kitchen to drink and eat...
hahas... unexpected...

Fifith, after work, go play pool.... thought that it would be a peaceful night...
but sadly, got check by five police officer.... =.="
haiis... iu got the gangster look meh? ): ....
...unexpected.....

"God, somehow now i believe that you are around.
I will try to find sometime out, to go to church.
thank you, now i think i know what you've plan for me....
but still i'm abit loss of what to do next...
or even what you have plan for me next???..."

Night readers..
'O' levels here i come...!!!(:

~Fated, yes i believe, i think~

A para of thoughts...

It's gone, and will always be.

I think it's really time when things starts to change.
My senses were right again. It really happen and it's changing everything.
I kept saying that somethings would change but somethings would not...
but now, i think i was wrong.
Impacts occurs... Nothing to stop it... cause it's all fated.
I'm gonna just let it flew off my hands...
If one day it comes back, i will not hold on to it....

Nights readers~!
Bypassers in life and Footprints are two different things....

~A blurblur you, makes me blurblur too~

WaitingWonderingWanting

Last month le... exactly...
After that i would have to say goodbye to everybody...
Times seem to flew past quickly, but moments will hold it back.

Waiting....-...
I waited for so many things....
I waited for 'O' levels...
I waited for holidays...
I waited for her...
I waited for someone sms...
.... seems like everyday i'm waiting....
Waiting is just a so common action use in everyday life.!(:
Eventually i started the conver... prepared and accepting who she is...
Somehow, a very different friend i had.... she's special in a way.
but i'm just only gonna treat her as a friend.... cause....
somethings dont change and would not change...

Wondering....-...
i wonder what is my future...?
i wonder what happen next...?
i wonder will be change to be good or bad...?
i wonder who will miss me if i die now...?
i wonder which job would i be in next time...?
.... everyone single one sure have thought of the future....
Who wouldn't want to know to future... o,o..
Wondering is good. I makes our brain think and so brain cells wont die off easily...
:P hahas... but dont think too far....
For me, i'm just taking one step at a time, and see how things go...
Facing any obstacles, and solving any problem met...
Be strong ppl!(:

Wanting....-...
i always want this want that...
but i know...
if the thing is mine, it will be...
but if it's not it will nvr gonna be....
And now, i tried to be positive le.. ( what you always tell me )
We dont demand for things, but we could wish for it...
Then we try hard to achieve it, in the correct way...
Treasure if we get it...
Dont give up if we didn't... but also sometimes we must learn to let go...

My motivation will be rebuild... soon...
Closing both my eyes... and not gonna look what's happening around.
My aims: Eng, B3, Chi, B4, CSci, B4, Chum, B4, Math, B4, DnT, A1
Hope i could achieve it! 40% use during prelims.. i shall see what i get...
Nights readers!

~Came at the right time~

Lies!

I cant believe that i came to a point in life....
that i had no choice and to tell lie...
I tried ok! i seriously tried! i do my best in any way....
But i cant, i just cant.... ):
What for i be honest with everything?
What do i get in return...? .... o,O?

I'm hate myself nowsaday... !!!
I'm not 'me' ... not behaving like what i usually does...
For example:
I will be friendly to anyone, and start a simple conversation...
...but now i dont.?
I will still talk, reply sms, or smile towards everyone....
...but now i dont.?
I will stop what i'm doing whenever you come to my mind...
... but now i dont.? ( shake my head, and off you go )
I will keep looking at my phone, hoping for your sms...
... but now i dont.? ( cause i'm waiting for you to sms me, and i know you wont )
I will have the motivation to force me to go school...
...but now i dont.? ( it just dont make sense )
I will eat at least three meals a day, and my medication on time...
...but now i dont.? ( no appetite, no point eatting med also )
Things went the other way, and i cant stop it.

Who exactly out there, knows me the best?
Who knows, when i dont reply a conver, means something is not right?
who knows, when do i mean my words, and when i dont?
who knows, when i'm joking, and when i'm serious?
who knows, when am i angry, sad, happy?
who knows, how i feel inside me?
who knows, how my life is like?

Ya, hong was right.
Lying is somehow good at certain times.
So, my words will all be 'lie' now...
Believe it or not?
If you care for me, know me well, feel me...
you will be able to tell...0,0

Night readers!
My mind is corrupted...
I'm 'happy' ppl...

~Lies are everywhere in this world~

Days only...

Somehow i feel i'm lack of something in life.
Somethings that i use to do everyday, doesn't seems to happen nowsaday...
I felt so empty in my heart... but i can't figure out what is it???
O,o???

I watch time flew pass me everyday...
A month to 'O' level... and i'm sure i did badly for my prelim...
I just do not have the confident... i lost it... and couldn't find it...
Now, i dont know why i'm going school for...?
I use to wake up early in the morning, and tell myself, i need to go school...
I use to have my motivation around me... but sadly, it's drifting away...
Is it my fault or whose fault...?
Now i only had to persevere the very last bit of motivation in me...

I got nothing to say, for once....
My mind was blank....
Haiis...Haiis...Haiis...
I'm wordless too...
Let see how it goes ba....
"God, i hope you would grant me three wishes"

Readers, have a nice day...
Bear in mind that... A decision you made in life, will affect your future.
Byebye

~I shouldn't step into your life~

Afternoon 15:15 , 11/09

It's the afternoon...
11/09, 15:15pm.... Warm and windy...

Day by day, hour by hour, mins by mins...
I watch the time flew away...
A blink of an eye... 'O' level is coming...
A blink of an eye... I knew you for exactly 4months...
A blink of an eye... I've waited for 3 and 1/2 month
A blink of an eye... A year is coming to an end...
Life can only be 'play', and not 'rewind'...

It's a warm afternoon, i'm laying on my bed, looking out of the windows...
Clouds in the sky, slowly flew past me. My went on to daydream....
First thing that comes to my mind, was you...
All the fun, joke, laughter... all the happy moments and sad time we had...
All this will be kept in my heart, i my mind...!
My happiest moment of life, you gave it to me...
My saddiest moment of life, you brought for me...
I like it. Everything that concerns you, i like it.
I'm use to re-read our conversation...
that's the only time when i felt that, the time is 'rewinding'...
At the very beginning, i senses tells me that it will be a endless conversation...
I tried to believe.... till days ago... i start doubting it...
Maybe this is fated. God meant it this way.
I'm use to sms-ing you everyday...
even if it's just one sms... i'm also satisfied.
I thought i could control myself....
Sadly tell you i couldn't... dont need 24hours, just 8hours.... or less...
i start to miss you... i tried hard to force myself in ways not to think of you...
but i dont know why i just cant.... i hate myself... seriously.
Now, i'm feeling moody... heart's aching again...
I know there's nothing i could do... i can't change the way you think...
I got no power to change anything.... i'm just a 'no-body'....
This is my life.
I love you. That's why i tell myself i must be happy.
Though i'm sad, but i will remain happy...
though my heart broke, but still i will cover the wound and smile at you...
though i'll leave you one day, but my feelings will nvr change,
And i will miss/think of you, like how i do everyday.
Maybe, this is it ba... let nature take it course.
Even i know i'm hurt, injured badly...
but i'm trying hard to be strong, and stand back up.
No harm liking someone... though i knew there's not a single hope...
I will just, hahas, smile. Carry on with life.

Have a nice day.

~What will happen next, i wonder~

Hate me...

It've been months...
Yet i see nothing...

"God, you won!"
Sorry for doubting you!
Now, you proven to me that you are around me!
You respond to me! Thank you!

My feelings are corrupted!
I dont know what to say...
I'm very happy! i kept saying and telling myself, i'm happy!
But, i still ask myself... am i really happy?
I know i trusted my senses this time round...
and i was right, and i dont really feel hurt this time...
unfortunately, i still turn back to ask myself,
i really not heartbroken???....
No one knows exactly how i'm feeling...
nobody cares... nobody bother either...
Hahas(: i guess it's over ba...

The story ended??? O,o? i think so...
Chapter 2 is coming up on my other blog...
Keep a look out for it, dont miss it! hahas

Things may have change or starting to change...
But one thing will nvr change.
That's my love for you.!
You ask me to find someone better...
but i replied...
no!
Because it's impossible to find someone,
that can chat with me for so long, and nvr complain...
that can joke around, play, and laugh with me, though it's just though sms...
that able to let me have high and low times...
Sometimes, it's so cold, but sometimes its so hot! that should be the way!
that let me realised how to be jealous or what is the meaning of jealous...
that let me tasted my own tears, and knew that tears are salty...
that let me experience how painful when your heartbreaks... ouch!
No way, i'm gonna find another one like you! no!
You will always live in my heart!

It's ok! Things have seem to be settling down...
It's really time for me to go...
It's time for me to close my eyes and nvr wake up.
My wish, is for every single people around me to hate me!
Hope you understand. hope you realised something.!
Dont be sorry, cause you did nothing wrong.... (;

Now, i learn to lie!
Even if you are the closest person to me, i will still lie to you...
My words are all lies... so dont listen and believe...
I'm 'HAPPY'~!
Hoho(:

Nights!

~I'm dying~

disappointed

Keeping this post short.

I'm happy!
You believe?

My senses hint me something...
I believe it this time round...
and guess what...
I dont feel a single thing!

Hahs....
It time for me to go....
Your happiness is the clue for me....

Tell me nothing...
cause i knew everything...
hoho!

I'm stupid....

Nights readers.
Only i can understand this post... i guess...:P

~I wont hate you~

i'm dead

Gonna be short....

05/09/2010...
Ken's dying day....

Today phone nvr ring....
I wonder is it spoil or what...
but not... it's working well...

I miss you, i miss you, i miss you....
You've put me into a test today....
And eventually i fail....
cause i miss you... i'm use to talking to you everyday....
Moody....

What can i do?
nothing lo...
you have your life...!
you have your freedom...!

Time can tell and prove everything...
Hours without you, is torturing me...
Day without you, is killing me....
DO you know?

I'll remain in silence...
Night readers...
All is fated...
"God, can you hear me?"

~Precious ... ~

Who exactly know me...?

Moody now...
Short post....

I wonder, who exactly know me well....

Have you ever wonder how i'm feeling?

Now let me tell you....
I dont give short reply while sms-ing, or in msn chats...
My: hahs... means a faint smile....
[;....... means a fake smile...
if i just reply a .k. i dont really mean it...
orh... means i'm sad....
there's just too many.... i'm lazy to type it all out....
nvm... also nobody would care either.....

How i wish you can understand how i feel at certain moment...?
How i wish you could feel or sense me?
O,o....

Nights reader.

~Icecream going heaven le, you know?~

My "best" compo...

This compo is said to be my most well written among all...
Posting it... as you demand it... (; hope you like it...

Sitting on the beach, i gazed longingly at the light blue sky dotted with whispery clouds that were dancing above me. It was one of my classmate's birthday. I could not help with the setting up of the fire for the barbeque later on, and so i strolled to the beach. My thoughts were wandered into the happy moments of my life.

I was jolted from my thoughts when i heard a loud screaming voice. "Help!"Help!" , it was a girl's scream, and were getting louder. A mixture of curiousity and caution prompted me to find out what was happening. With lightened steps, i traced the scream. To my horror, two burly men, twice my size had a girl cowering in fear.

She was almost on her knees as she tried to plea them to let her go. When one of the men swung and slapped the girl, i lost my inhibitions and sprung forward. Strubling forward with both my fists holding up, i yelled at the top of my voice for them to stop.

None of the two men were panicing, they stood, staring at me, unwavering, clenched fists at their sides and shoulders taut. My arms still raised as i know they were going to attack me. One of the men took out a knife that has been tucked in his back pocket, an attack was imminent. Looking around, i searched frantically for a weapon that i could use to chase them away. Sadly, there was nothing around i could use except a few fallen leaves. I gathered all my courage, and shouted at them again to call them to stop.

I was about to prepeare myself for an attack when i heard a shout from a near distance. My friends were running towards me. The two burly men realised that they are outnumbered, they kept their weapons and stomped off with an angry face. They stomped off fast and we soon lost sight of them. The girl was still frightened and she laid her head on my shoulder and whispered, "Thank you," into my ear. We become friends and later in the week, i realised that she was from the same school as me!

-The end-

All the best!!!
Night readers!o,o

~If life were like a well-written story....~

Nothing more...

Exams started today...
Slept only 3 hours last night...
haiis... but still very energetic now leh...
there's something wrong with me...

Yesterday, was a 'dots day'....
believe or not... up to you... ?
Woke up in the morning... teachers day.. no school...
got a very very very strange feeling....
like thing bad, shocking, unexpected, sad is going to happened....
waited and waited.... sms-ing my precious sister at the same time...
then in the evening... hahas... guess what....
what i thought is true!
You ask me that question.... like after so long....
and i honestly told you everything, spilled all out....
Hahs... dont know why i feel different after letting you know....
Felt like a free person... but yet i still have to say sorry to you....
Hope things will go smoothly in future ba....

Somethings i really dont understand...
somethings i would rather choose not to understand....
but yet there are somethings that happen to went into your ears...
and somehow or where, it affect you....
( understand)???

Takecare of yourself, girl!

~I love you, i really do~

What's wrong with me...?

This few days didn't blog...
dont know what to post...
or i could say dont feel like spilling out what's on my mind...
but today... realise something....

Made you angry yesterday!
Conversation were going 'smooth' but turned into hell!
Sorry, actually supposed it to be joking with you....
but didn't know your reaction so big...
Kinda shock also... Sincerely apologise to you! SORRY!!!
And also thanks for letting me realise the my action and words are...
so... ( never go throught the brain ) ....

Nowsaday, i wonder alot....
Wondering this wondering that.... and all's about you....
Kinda very stubborn and unpatience this few days...
how come ar??? o,O? i also dont know leh....
but i'm still keeping everything to myself... so nvm la....
You have your freedom, and i'm nobody to you, whom can anyhow interrupt it....
Telling myself this all the time... to comfort myself in another words...

Actually, i knew alot of things... just that i act as if i'm a toopid person...
who KNOWS nothing.... so everyboy will think i'm iding in the dark....
Somethings, yes, dont need somebody to say it out... i also know,...
now you will be wondering i have super power is it? hahs... no!
I can tell who is lying, who is telling the truth...
I can tell who is keeping a secrets from me, or unlike me....
I'm like waiting for the day where all the truth would be out...
hopefully the day is near... but i dont really care....
Everyone have secrets! Agree? o,O?
It's your decision whether to keep it or say it....
You wont be punish for making the wrong decision.....
So ya, be positive lo... what can i do? nothing.~.

Some how i start doubting everyone around me....
Somehow i start doubting that you are ignoring me....
somehow i'm doubting that no ones likes me....
somehow i start to doubt that you are lying to me....
But all this, how i know???
I'm not blind.... i'm not a person who does not have feelings....
A way how a person behave and speak.... can tell lots of things....
Be smart ppl.....

This post sounds abit sarcastic.... dont know why also....
Am i sad, angry, or moody now?.....o,o?
haiis... skipping the hospital check up next week....
i wonder what's the point of scanning my head again....
die jiu die lo.... i'm not a nice person... i'm heartlesss, i'm bias...
hahas.... so dots.... nvm la, no ones uderstand also....

Exams here!
Promise you i will do well!
And i will try my best this time round!
By the way thanks for being my motivation to study!
smiles(:

Night readers!
If you know me well, you would definitely know how i feel while typing...
Jiayou! All the best! Goodluck!
Hoho!

~I'm touch by your words, but sadly you just treat me as your kor...~

Tired ttm....

So many days nvr blog....
Very busy this few day....
very late then reach home...
very tired as i'm rushing the DnT course work...
But now i can relax le... DnT done! Finally can sleep...
Slept less than 8 hours this two nights.... haiis....
One meal a day only... haiis.... somehow broke also....

This few days i was moody....
Happy... Sad... dont know how to say also...
No one knows... cause i no say ma.... :P
Talking to you this few days... but still unlike last time...
Conversation were not so long... short replies...
expected replies... dry conversation.... as can say....
But i dont find it bored! Yet i'm happy... i think...
though i start a topic mst of the time.. nvm la...
As long as i can talk to you can le....[:

Many Many things to say, but i dont know how to say...
and cant think what to post also....

Days were bright yet dark...
Half of the sky were bright, but the other half were dark...
It's describing my feelings also....
Half happy, half sad...
Which means, it's also complicated in there....

Do you understand me?
Have you wonder how i feel?
Does you know what i want?
When are you ready?
Have you ever wonder why i would choose to wait?
So many questions, i hope you would ask me everytime....
but sadly you ask none of it.... nvm la....

Everyday, praying to God, talking to him...
then i always end of with... haiis... nvm... it's ok....
Everytime i close an eye.... i would ask myself...
am i right or wrong.... then i haiis.. nvm la....
Such a toopid person.... icecream old man.....

At my darkest side of life...
i wish you could be the light that lights up a path way for me...
At my brightest side of life...
I wish you could be by my side, together with me, enjoying that moment....
When will this gonna happen?
It nvr gonna to, i guess...

Stay happy, healthy, and safe, Precious!

Night readers...
The cripple frog in the well couldn't see the light anymore...
and will sleep to death....

~Ken E-e Icecream like .............~

Never gonna let it stop...?

Been talking with you this few days...
Feeling happy!...(:
I hope this will never end....

Yesterday:.....
Woke up by your sms! hahas....
Then study at home....
You ask me whether i want go join you...
I want to go... but.... i'm shy....
God gave me a chance, but i let it slipped off my finger tips...):
Nvm.... abit sad la.... but still continue chatting with you...
Our conversation somehows gets bored in between...
I gather my courage and ask you that very question...
Half happy, half sad.... when i get to know you answer...
but its' ok... time will prove everything.... and i will wait for you...(:

Today:.........
Normal day.... Special for you!
You went modelling today...
wanting so badly to go see you.... but.... got no chance....
nvm... at least got photos to see....
You told me, the thing will end at 9plus...
My jaw drop!!! HUH!!! that's very long....
Hours without talking to you, were like travelling to hell...
Moody... got no mood to do DnT and went off a while later...
Then, i, WOW! 7plus your show ended! So happy!
but through your sms, i sense that you are tired.... uber tired...
nvm... it will be a short night then.... you've slept....
Oral for me 2morow! Going doze off soon too....

Night reader!
Wish me good luck!

~ I love you, but i cant say it to you~

Wo hen xiang ni...

Today, another boring day...
Stay home the whole day.... and sms-ing her...
Not bad though...

What if i tell you i'm jealous?
What will your reaction be?
O,o? i wonder.... o,o
Actually, why should i be jealous?
I keep telling myself that, i dont need to care who you go out with...
or what you are doing out there.... but then....
i cant control... it's like so natural... even i'm just a friend of yours...
ya, you will be thinking, that's so dots.... -,-"

"One fine day, all of us will be busy with our life...
long working hours, less friends, less meetings, rare calls, no sms, late nights calls...
wont even have time for us to relax....
At such times in lives, you'll look outside your window...
and getting a flashback of good old memories...
and you'll smile with a tear in your eyes...
then you turn back and wish you could rewind time...
but sadly it's impossible... Smile and carry on with life!(:
Memories will always keep you smiling~!"

Today afternoon, i was 'drawing circles again'
But i came to realise that i wasn't behaving like me....
I'm like a different person.... how come? i ask myself...
That's shouldn't be the Ken... i must change back....
Ya then i tell myself... no more, no more changing...
i should be who i am...O,o!
i should accept who they are..,
and it's up to them whether anot they want to accept who am i....

Thank you!!!
Goodnight readers!
Dear girl, i like you! Really!

~ No one can tell how much i like you~

Again...

Today is friday... again....
Weekend coming... again...
Missing you... again and again....

Dnt work finally finish...
back to journal... again....
Quite satisfied with me drawing this time round...
Find one day, i shall show it to you, and hear your comments...

Today, dont know why moody...
a while smile, later jiu start thinking of you le...
When ever i'm alone, even in class.... i will miss you...
alamak... From the day we know each other....
all the fun jokes and laughter we had...
all the sad or happy moments we had...
flash in my mind like watching a video...
Will this video keep on tapeing, and i will just keep on watching?
o,o?... i wonder...
I'll try my best to let it continue.... die also i must...
Guess i've seriously fallen really deep this time round...
nvm ba... nothing i can do also... it's fated....

How i wish you know i talking about you...?
Do i even have that 1% of chance? o,o?

Nights readers
My days are boring without you...

~Tell me what to do~

What a day?

Today is 19 Aug 10 le...
English oral exam, next week, 24/08...
Kinda nervous now le... many ppl say diff...
haiis.... english is an important subject... what if i fail...?
Less than two weeks to prelim....
After prelim, straight away jiu 'O' level le...
Days are getting lesser....

Days getting lesser....
it also means that my days in Beatty is lesser too...
This year will gonna be a year that i'll nvr forget...
Made a bunch of friends.... though they are still young...
but in the other hand they taught me alot of things...
This is so called ' life experience ba...'
It's fated for me to know them....!

If one day, you realised that i did not talk to you...
Know that, the question i ask you that time, is real...
O yes... i know i got no position in your heart...
but i've say i'll wait for you...
i will wait ba.... even if it's 0%.... i wont give up also....
As i said.... i dont need you to like me or love me....
cause you dont know me well yet, and i'm not a nice guy....
If i can choose, i would choose you to be the one that hate me...
We should be positive... in a way.... nvm....
Things are getting more and more complicated...
Let's hope miracles happen and bring peace ba...

I'm not retaking my Chinese 'O' level....
B4... i think that's my limit le ba...
Too many factors to consider, whether anot should i retake...
but after serious consideration... i dont retake better ba....

Study study study.....
Goodnight readers!

~When you are tired, take a break~

Why angry?

Today i got angry....
but no one know ar... cause i'm a good 'hider'....
Wake up around 11am today...
Went school at 1pm...

Go ask what's my Chinese 'O' level results...
Wa... very sad.... B4 leh....
How? how? how?....
Should i retake or not?....
Very confused leh.... angry also....
Those got study de all nvr get the marks they want,
but those below my standard de can get better than me....
What's wrong man...!!!! Life's seriously unfair....

Then went ISH sit.... no mood at alll...
but then all the vb girls come, she was there also...
no choice... fake a smile..... o,o...

Then things happen again...
Was about to go DnT le.... but got one ball hit her face...
My heart instantly break.... but luckily i controlled my anger....
At that point of time.. telling the truth....
i was at a loss.... but still i went forward,...
and i felt that i'm a failure... indeed am one, seriously....
I felt seriously bad.... and wanted to say sorry... but there's too many ppl there...
i dont dare.... i hate myself to the max la....!!!!

I'm a cripple frog that had fallen into a deep dark well...
Struggling and thinking of ways to get out....
but, unfortuanately i cant.....
then i realised that, i not getting any closer to the mouth...
instead i'm falling deeper down into it....-
It's my life gonna be like this forever...? o,o?
Stupid bad rumours of me kept going around...
Stupid ppl will stepped into my life and mess around...
I hate it the most!!! seriously!
Am very tired of all this stuffs...
I wonder who do you really believe....
Their words or mine...? ( heartbreak )

What can i do now...?
Though somethings you did not tell me...
but i knew it all...
Better dont say ba...
if you want to tell me... you will....
No matter what, i trust you...

nights readers...
i'm drawing circles again....

~ Who am i to you~

17/08.... circles O

Today... 'drawing circles' days...
morning woke up late... =.="
sians... then class bonding...
boring, class not organise....
played 'ice and water' in the parade square...
so lame.... =.="

Now, i find that some people are so selfish....
Wants the best for itself... and not considering how others feel...
wants everyone to follow her idea... and think she's is always right...
acting blur in fornt of ppl but in her, she knows everything...
acting like dont know anything but actually she knows it all...
Why ar? ... why is there such kind of ppl.... cannot stand it....
haiis... she no longer is the girl i knew 2years ago....

Nothing surprising happen today...
After DnT lsp... went ISH... do math and watch vb girls training...
do until half way... rain heavily... cannot do le...
then sit there and talk talk.....
Lifes is getting more and more boring....
Home and school.... everyday.... haiis...

I gave you a blur look, and you gave me a blur look...
I say hi to you, you say hello to me...
I smile to you, you also smile to me....
Eye contact.... ouch,... your electricity too strong le...:P
hahas.... So far, so far.... ( shake head...)

Nights readers...(:

~Getting angry and scolding someone, shows how much you care for him/her~

Short post...

I wonder who ever believe my words before...
When i'm joking, people believe...
when i'm serious, everyone thought i'm joking...
It's difficult to gain one's fullest trust....
It's ok for you not to believe me...
If other people's words are much more worth listening or believing...
go ahead and trust them and listen to them...
It's really up to you whether anot to believe me...
I'm nobody to you so i cant do anything...
If that stupid rumours is spreading out there, it's whether anot...
you do your 'homework' by finding out the truth... or...
just believe what ever they've said....
Think before you act ba....
"Dont because someone told you that there is ghost in the second level...
and you simply just believe it, and dont go up there...."

Surprising that you sms me today...
I was moody at first but after receiving your msg...
I'm hyper again.....
You're so smart and cute! cant deny it...
Actually i'm not being cold to you... and i wont do that...
cause i find it stupid....
For now i just let nature take it's course ba...
nothing much i can do also....
" With or without you, i'm still me... but with you, i'm another me."

I may've done lots of stupid things last time...
But luckily i realised it early, and change...
Though i've change but, what i've done have become history...
It cant be erased or what... so just be it ba...
Even if no one believe that i'm a better person now...
i myself think that i'm a totally change and good person, is enough...
"I dont need everyone's trust, i only need yours, sadly, i cant gain it..."

I dont know what's happening around....
somethings is better to be kept unknown...
but somethings i would rather want to know, and find out the truth...
haiis... tsk tskk... ))):

Nights readers...
It's so complicated... o,o...

~ You are my only one ~

Thinking of you....

Kinda boring today....
Do Geo the whole of today...
so sian... haiis...
phone didn't ring today... so quiet.., unlike yesterday....

I miss you...
Do you know? o,O?
Pick up my phone a few times...
having the urge to sms you...
but drop off the idea of doing so....
Yes, i've fallen for you, i like you...
but, so.... o,O... what can i do?
If i really like you, and want you to be happy...
i would leave you alone... drift away from you...
and not let myself ruin your life....
ask me why... and i will tell you...
" because you are my precious, and you should live your life happily..."
My days would be like hell without you....
you wont know... cause i would nvr tell....

A bottle, a piece of paper...
Written down my thoughts and wishes on the paper...
rolled... and put into the bottle...
digging a hole and bury it in there...
It consist of all my happy memories with you...
They are all kept, and remember... It's worth for me to do that...
I just need you now...

Abit moody now... cause i'm still thinking of you....
miss you so much... yet i cant do anything...
morning till evening still haven eat...
flashback, of you telling me to go eat...
and how you scold me when i didn't eat....
how i wish you are always by my side....

~ My precious, i miss you, even though we are not close anymore~

I'm noctunal...

Just reach home..
Went out in the evening until now...
Pool-ing with lots of ppl... win every match...
Handicapped also can win... not bad... tsk tsk...

Woke up early in the morning...
Watch Digimon and other show...
too bored staying at home le...
Then when i start to think of you..
i recieved your sms... Wow! O,O!
Happy... Chatted the whole day...
Tried my best to make you laugh and drag the conversation le...
Hope everyday can be like this....

In the mid of the conversation, actually....
i was trying to say something...
hint you alot of times... but it seems like you dont see it...
nvm... i think you are still too young to understand ba...
I'm an old man... =,="
There maybe a gap in between us... but i'm sure it's not too wide...
Even though the gap is not wide... i know i got no chance...
So, just continue with life ba...

I think i've lost a friend....
heartbroken... seriously...
Your action is simply obviously that you are ignoring me...
Words that i've said out, cant be taken back....
If that few questions of mine, offend you...
then i'm sorry... cause if you know me more...
you will know that i'm just asking it for fun...
If you take it to your heart then i got no words to say le...
We may have probably become just a hi-bye friend... or even not...
haiis.... dont know how now....

Everyone learn from mistake...
We gain an experience from it...
And we change it to become better...
That how's a mature person should be thinking...
As God say: " Forgive and forget"
I find it meaningful and true...

If a guy get jealous... what does it really mean?
Last time i dont get jealous de.... but why now, i will?
Have i change?.... or what?.....
It's not my problem who you sms to...
but when i know you are sms-ing someone instead of me...
i get j...... Why? why? why?...
no link.... where's the link? icecream ar....
Then i will tell myself...
"I'm nobody to you, so why do i care so much...?"
after that i emo.... noob right? haiis...

Many things to say ar... but dont know start from where...
Other time ba...
Takecare readers...
Nights!!!!
( i wonder who will sms me....o,O??)

~Life is so interesting and fun~

Ouch~

Today is Friday the 13...
The most unlucky day of a year...
Many bad things would happen to one...
But dont get upset or angry...
Cause good things is gonna come after each bad things had happen...
Look on the bright side and think positively..!(:

I'm sorry! Sorry to you....
Didn't know that my actions and behaviour have offended you...
No more... i will change cause i accept everyone's comment on me...
Since you dont like it... i change... changing for myself also...
You words "slap me on face" .... It's hurts, but it's true....
Learnt a lesson today... And that's another reason why i like you...
I will always remember what you told me today...
Thank you and Sorry...[:

Now, i wonder...
Does by just sending a few sms to you each day,
keep us at this stage, where we are now???
Or will it become worse? continue to drift away...
I trying my best to hold on to the "rope"...
But are you doing the same as me?
Helping me hold on to the "rope"...?
Alone struggling and pulling is no use...
somethings will just slip in, interrupt and "poom",.. goes the "rope"
How long more can i hold?

What are you thinking?
Tsk...
Everyday i ask God...
" Is this a test that you are giving me?"
I hope it is... cause i dont wish it to be fated...
My senses doesn't sense this, or tell me any thing...
If it is a test, i know, for sure, i would pass...
but if it's fated... then i'll be upset...
If it's mine, it will be mine...
if it's not mine, it will never be mine...
Starting to think/emo again....

Lemon... Apple...
How can they be together?
Lemon and Apple cant be together...
As they taste different... they are from two different tree...
One taste sour, another taste sweet..
Apple is red, lemon is yellow...
Lemon have a rough skin, whereas Apple is smooth....
They have many difference between them...
but one thing they are the same is...
They are both categories under the groups: Fruits!!!
Use force will not bring you happiness...

No matter, you still my friend, my sister....
Takecare everyone!
Days are getting lesser....

~Hate me if you want, but i've still gotta tell you, i like you~

I dont get it...

Now, my hand is injured...
Dnt dont need to do le...
Gonna fail subject...
Fated ba....

Kinda moody now...
There's so many things that i want to ask you....
but why dont i have the courage to ask...
I'm really the firestarter...
I shouldn't have step into your life....
Stepping in is easy, but falling out it's hard...

I'm that kinda of person that is not welcome by ppl...
I admit it, cause i can see from it...
Yes, i'm living in this world, but not ppl's heart...
ok easy... no one remember me...
It's ok for me... as i've say i'm use to being alone...

I do not knwo what's happening between us...
Suddenly, we like become just a hi-bye friend...
This was not what my senses told me in the beginning....
This is not waht i expect it to be...
Why have it change so suddenly...?
I dont want to be just a hi-bye friend with you....
seriously... sometimes worse, just a smile.... pls....
What happen? sms also never reply....
o,o... i'm wordless...

Sometimes i'm angry, but still i tell myself to close an eye...
Pushing it down to the bottom of my heart....
I wonder what would happen when i 'explode'....

Is there anyone out there who really sees me around and care about me??
I wonder... sometimes.... but most probably....
Nope...o,o

If one day there's no sms, no call, no sight of me....
Know that i've left... leave to a far far place...
A place where i could be happy!

You have your life, i have mine too...
Sorry if i'm a irritating person...
but have you ask yourself why...
i can tell you, cause i dont wish to drift away from you...
or anyone... i want to be as close as i could with you...

I'm waiting for you...T,T...

~ i hate saying goodbye ~

How do i feel now?

It's a normal day today...
As usual, nothing much happen...
School... boring... math test... difficult...
nothing le....
After school, soccer....
Injured my thumb... haiis... now cannot move...
die!!! who can be my right arm???

I cant feel a thing now...
I definitely felt a drift between us...
Why ain't we that close anymore...???
Been ages since i last saw you...
kinda miss you... ):
Can we be like last time again...?
I dont wish to be a hi-bye friend with you...
i seriously dont know how to express my feelings...
Takecare of yourself ba...

Sometimes , we should not predict...
Thing we nvr try out, we should not predict the outcome...
When we try, we are giving ourself a chance...
A chance for us to gain an experience and learn something....
without trying, we absorb nothing...
and somehow it's foolish to say what will be the outcome...

Things change, and so do people...
Changing bad or good, it's your decision...
But no matter how bad you turn into... i will always remember the you
whom when i first met you!
First impression is very important!
We dont ask people to accept who we are only...
but also we ourself try to accept who other people are...
Though the world is unfair, there are many things that we can make it fair...
by just thinking of others...!

As we grow, we become more mature...
And one day we will flashback and ask ourselves...
Why did i done so many foolish things in the past??
It's normal... dont blame yourself...
As long as you learn or do reflect...
you are already a mature person!!!

damn tired,...
post again 2morow...
night readers...~!

~I'm waiting for you, girl~

Weird feeling..

It's weird...
Many questions again pop out in my mind...
Feel like asking you, but i dont dare to...

After reading your post, or i can say while reading your post...
I got a weird feeling...
heartbreaking, sour, sad, curious, etc...
cant describe that kinda feeling...
Nvm... hopes it is not referring to me ba...

If you dont wish to talk to me...
I'm fine with it.... i just want you to be happy...
If you choose to leave me...
then so be it... i'm nobody to you...
so i cant stop you....
But i'm telling you this...
For no matter what, i will nvr gonna leave you...
I've set my mind to be your guardian angel!

You always told me that you are happy, great...
I ask myself: " Really???"
I hope you are telling me the truth...
I've decided to trust you again...
hope you know it!

Goodnight readers!
School 2morow again...
See ya!

~I'm always there for you~

I dont know...

I dont know, it's often a phrase use by many people...
It's such a strong phrase that help "escape" ones problem...
But do we have to use it all the time....
Or do we really dont know....

Somethings are better for us to know,
something are better not for us to know....
Just a night, i use so many " i dont know"
that's definitely not me...

I was so close to the door, and you held me back again...
It's easy to gain ones trust at the beginning,
but it's hard to gain it back after you lose it...
I've thought of believing you again,
but some people's words make me think twice again...
Three against one....*
I should follow what my heart tells me right?
Now, i dont doubts my senses and eyes...
but what if they were wrong...
I dont wish to make mistakes again...
i dont wish to live in a world with regrets...
I regretted once, but not twice....

Let nature takes it's course!
No matter what, you're still a friend of mine...
When you need help, i will always be there for you...

Knowing that you like someone alot,
but yet you cant have him/her is so heartbreaking....
What could be done? nothing....
It's so hard to find true love...
It's hard to be a good person too...

I'm so confused now...
I dont know whose words to believe...
Nvm... one day i will find out myself...
Honesty is behind everything!

Have a nice day, readers!(:

~Time will prove everything~

Miss you...

Many people will come into our life journey...
Some we become friends with,
some just leave their footprint and left...
But it's memories that make us miss one another,
and make us feel like we were stil beside one another!

I can say: " I miss you!"
For a thousand times, for a million times...
But do you care?... or you just take it as i'm joking...
Actually whether i miss you or not...
you wont know... cause we are drifting apart...
I dont know why this is happen...
Maybe it's fated ba...
Fated for me to leave my footprint on your life journey,
and vanish into thin air....
But no matter where i am... i will pray to God...
I will ask him to keep you happy, safe and healthy!(:

Now, i seriously dont know what to do....
It's hard to forget things.... true....
I will still recall back those time when we were so close together....
We laugh, we play, we joke, we talk....
Every word you said, every reaction you gave, every action you make....
It's being crave in my mind... I could hardly take it off me...
happy memories makes me smile..
sad memories makes my heartbreak...
I think this is natural ba...

You are still young...
You made a mistake... i wont be angry....
cause i understand... i will be disappointed...
and lend you a hand...
You may see me as an unimportant person to you...
but i will still continue to care for you...
most probably like you!

Your life is back... better than last time...
And so, i will find my life back....
Gonna work later on... haiis...

Happy National Day, Singaporeans!
Have a nice day!
Smiles(:

~I miss you~

07/08~08/08...

07/08:

Dead bored...
In the morning, study study study...
evening went to watch YOG performance with Yang, Hong, Leon and DaDa...
the performance was... umm... average...?
left the place early and went to Chelsea chalet,
not alot of ppl but we went there just to eat...
so thick skinned... but nvm la... we got help out also...
Then left with Claire and Shandy...
Cab home... tired le... slept....

08/08:

Didn't go to church today...
too tired... talk to Shandy till late night...
Next week then go ba...
Study Study Study again...
was so bored till go watch Digimon!
So childish, but i like... hahas...(:
Then meet Hong go exercise...
he run and i cycle...
From school, to Potong pasir....
Accidents happen... injured my leg...
knock until the lamp post...
bike gear wire broke...
hahs... nvm... still not dead yet....:P
Home... watching movie on the net now(:

Goodnight everybody!!!(:

~I'm here missing you, and wondering what are you doing over there?~

Money, important to you?

Money, Money, Money...
Everyone love money!!!
With money...

You can buy a house, but not a family.
You can buy a watch, but not time.
You can buy a bed, but not sleep.
You can buy as many books, but not knowledge.
You can afford the medical fee, but not good health.
You can have a good reputation, but not respect.
You can purchase blood, but not life.
You may have lots of girls around you, but not true love.

Everything have it's advantages and disadvantages...
Nothing's is perfect on Earth...
There's no fairness on this world...

Starting. A New~!

Created a new blog...
For a new beginning...
Happy viewing readers...

Many things are unpredictable...
It's how we treat it and face it...
Think carefully before we act...

You're so perfect, to me, that i lost control of myself...

~The day you regret is the day i am gone...~