I cant..

Today is already 30/09
It only three weeks to 'o' level...
only two weeks left for me in school...
chances of seeing you is getting lesser...

I'm not angry at you,
i'm not ignoring you,
i'm just making myself to accept who you are...
~
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring.
Pretty, cute. Excellent partners for life. Protective.
Inventive and imaginative. Cautious.
Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others.
Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
~
This is what horoscope says about Cancer.
I find it somehow true..

It doesn't make a difference whether do i sms you or never...
Dont you feel that something is not right?
I dont blame you, maybe you are too young to know..
I can only blame myself for falling into a special person like you.
I got nothing to say...
I wish nothing changes when holidays come.
Night readers.

~I'm timid to tell you, i miss you~

Fated ?O,o..

Yesterday was unexpected, as i can say so...
I somehow believe in fate...
and now, i have 80% trust in 'God'.

Firstly, went school with Krusita...
hahas. She so funny, then keep 'jacking' me...
hahas. unexpected...

Secondly, asist manager wasn't feeling well....
i was called back to help at night....
so i went.... unexpected....

Thirdly, i was on my way to work...
need take bus from tpy interchage....
bus 73... then i went to queue for it...
but then my so called ' senses' told me that 'she' is in tpy central....
ok then i got out of the queue... and went to withdraw money...
then i say to myself.... if we have fate we will meet each other...
just when i finish... i looked up.... OMG!!! 'she' really did appear in front of me....
I was wordless, and we just say hello... O,O... OMG!
hahhahahs... happy!(: .... unexpected... for the first time...!!

Fourth, i was called to take charge of the queue for the first time...
hahahas.... not much ppl today but still got abit jam in between....
at the end, i was so thirsty.... and hide in the kitchen to drink and eat...
hahas... unexpected...

Fifith, after work, go play pool.... thought that it would be a peaceful night...
but sadly, got check by five police officer.... =.="
haiis... iu got the gangster look meh? ): ....
...unexpected.....

"God, somehow now i believe that you are around.
I will try to find sometime out, to go to church.
thank you, now i think i know what you've plan for me....
but still i'm abit loss of what to do next...
or even what you have plan for me next???..."

Night readers..
'O' levels here i come...!!!(:

~Fated, yes i believe, i think~

A para of thoughts...

It's gone, and will always be.

I think it's really time when things starts to change.
My senses were right again. It really happen and it's changing everything.
I kept saying that somethings would change but somethings would not...
but now, i think i was wrong.
Impacts occurs... Nothing to stop it... cause it's all fated.
I'm gonna just let it flew off my hands...
If one day it comes back, i will not hold on to it....

Nights readers~!
Bypassers in life and Footprints are two different things....

~A blurblur you, makes me blurblur too~

WaitingWonderingWanting

Last month le... exactly...
After that i would have to say goodbye to everybody...
Times seem to flew past quickly, but moments will hold it back.

Waiting....-...
I waited for so many things....
I waited for 'O' levels...
I waited for holidays...
I waited for her...
I waited for someone sms...
.... seems like everyday i'm waiting....
Waiting is just a so common action use in everyday life.!(:
Eventually i started the conver... prepared and accepting who she is...
Somehow, a very different friend i had.... she's special in a way.
but i'm just only gonna treat her as a friend.... cause....
somethings dont change and would not change...

Wondering....-...
i wonder what is my future...?
i wonder what happen next...?
i wonder will be change to be good or bad...?
i wonder who will miss me if i die now...?
i wonder which job would i be in next time...?
.... everyone single one sure have thought of the future....
Who wouldn't want to know to future... o,o..
Wondering is good. I makes our brain think and so brain cells wont die off easily...
:P hahas... but dont think too far....
For me, i'm just taking one step at a time, and see how things go...
Facing any obstacles, and solving any problem met...
Be strong ppl!(:

Wanting....-...
i always want this want that...
but i know...
if the thing is mine, it will be...
but if it's not it will nvr gonna be....
And now, i tried to be positive le.. ( what you always tell me )
We dont demand for things, but we could wish for it...
Then we try hard to achieve it, in the correct way...
Treasure if we get it...
Dont give up if we didn't... but also sometimes we must learn to let go...

My motivation will be rebuild... soon...
Closing both my eyes... and not gonna look what's happening around.
My aims: Eng, B3, Chi, B4, CSci, B4, Chum, B4, Math, B4, DnT, A1
Hope i could achieve it! 40% use during prelims.. i shall see what i get...
Nights readers!

~Came at the right time~

Lies!

I cant believe that i came to a point in life....
that i had no choice and to tell lie...
I tried ok! i seriously tried! i do my best in any way....
But i cant, i just cant.... ):
What for i be honest with everything?
What do i get in return...? .... o,O?

I'm hate myself nowsaday... !!!
I'm not 'me' ... not behaving like what i usually does...
For example:
I will be friendly to anyone, and start a simple conversation...
...but now i dont.?
I will still talk, reply sms, or smile towards everyone....
...but now i dont.?
I will stop what i'm doing whenever you come to my mind...
... but now i dont.? ( shake my head, and off you go )
I will keep looking at my phone, hoping for your sms...
... but now i dont.? ( cause i'm waiting for you to sms me, and i know you wont )
I will have the motivation to force me to go school...
...but now i dont.? ( it just dont make sense )
I will eat at least three meals a day, and my medication on time...
...but now i dont.? ( no appetite, no point eatting med also )
Things went the other way, and i cant stop it.

Who exactly out there, knows me the best?
Who knows, when i dont reply a conver, means something is not right?
who knows, when do i mean my words, and when i dont?
who knows, when i'm joking, and when i'm serious?
who knows, when am i angry, sad, happy?
who knows, how i feel inside me?
who knows, how my life is like?

Ya, hong was right.
Lying is somehow good at certain times.
So, my words will all be 'lie' now...
Believe it or not?
If you care for me, know me well, feel me...
you will be able to tell...0,0

Night readers!
My mind is corrupted...
I'm 'happy' ppl...

~Lies are everywhere in this world~

Days only...

Somehow i feel i'm lack of something in life.
Somethings that i use to do everyday, doesn't seems to happen nowsaday...
I felt so empty in my heart... but i can't figure out what is it???
O,o???

I watch time flew pass me everyday...
A month to 'O' level... and i'm sure i did badly for my prelim...
I just do not have the confident... i lost it... and couldn't find it...
Now, i dont know why i'm going school for...?
I use to wake up early in the morning, and tell myself, i need to go school...
I use to have my motivation around me... but sadly, it's drifting away...
Is it my fault or whose fault...?
Now i only had to persevere the very last bit of motivation in me...

I got nothing to say, for once....
My mind was blank....
Haiis...Haiis...Haiis...
I'm wordless too...
Let see how it goes ba....
"God, i hope you would grant me three wishes"

Readers, have a nice day...
Bear in mind that... A decision you made in life, will affect your future.
Byebye

~I shouldn't step into your life~

Afternoon 15:15 , 11/09

It's the afternoon...
11/09, 15:15pm.... Warm and windy...

Day by day, hour by hour, mins by mins...
I watch the time flew away...
A blink of an eye... 'O' level is coming...
A blink of an eye... I knew you for exactly 4months...
A blink of an eye... I've waited for 3 and 1/2 month
A blink of an eye... A year is coming to an end...
Life can only be 'play', and not 'rewind'...

It's a warm afternoon, i'm laying on my bed, looking out of the windows...
Clouds in the sky, slowly flew past me. My went on to daydream....
First thing that comes to my mind, was you...
All the fun, joke, laughter... all the happy moments and sad time we had...
All this will be kept in my heart, i my mind...!
My happiest moment of life, you gave it to me...
My saddiest moment of life, you brought for me...
I like it. Everything that concerns you, i like it.
I'm use to re-read our conversation...
that's the only time when i felt that, the time is 'rewinding'...
At the very beginning, i senses tells me that it will be a endless conversation...
I tried to believe.... till days ago... i start doubting it...
Maybe this is fated. God meant it this way.
I'm use to sms-ing you everyday...
even if it's just one sms... i'm also satisfied.
I thought i could control myself....
Sadly tell you i couldn't... dont need 24hours, just 8hours.... or less...
i start to miss you... i tried hard to force myself in ways not to think of you...
but i dont know why i just cant.... i hate myself... seriously.
Now, i'm feeling moody... heart's aching again...
I know there's nothing i could do... i can't change the way you think...
I got no power to change anything.... i'm just a 'no-body'....
This is my life.
I love you. That's why i tell myself i must be happy.
Though i'm sad, but i will remain happy...
though my heart broke, but still i will cover the wound and smile at you...
though i'll leave you one day, but my feelings will nvr change,
And i will miss/think of you, like how i do everyday.
Maybe, this is it ba... let nature take it course.
Even i know i'm hurt, injured badly...
but i'm trying hard to be strong, and stand back up.
No harm liking someone... though i knew there's not a single hope...
I will just, hahas, smile. Carry on with life.

Have a nice day.

~What will happen next, i wonder~

Hate me...

It've been months...
Yet i see nothing...

"God, you won!"
Sorry for doubting you!
Now, you proven to me that you are around me!
You respond to me! Thank you!

My feelings are corrupted!
I dont know what to say...
I'm very happy! i kept saying and telling myself, i'm happy!
But, i still ask myself... am i really happy?
I know i trusted my senses this time round...
and i was right, and i dont really feel hurt this time...
unfortunately, i still turn back to ask myself,
i really not heartbroken???....
No one knows exactly how i'm feeling...
nobody cares... nobody bother either...
Hahas(: i guess it's over ba...

The story ended??? O,o? i think so...
Chapter 2 is coming up on my other blog...
Keep a look out for it, dont miss it! hahas

Things may have change or starting to change...
But one thing will nvr change.
That's my love for you.!
You ask me to find someone better...
but i replied...
no!
Because it's impossible to find someone,
that can chat with me for so long, and nvr complain...
that can joke around, play, and laugh with me, though it's just though sms...
that able to let me have high and low times...
Sometimes, it's so cold, but sometimes its so hot! that should be the way!
that let me realised how to be jealous or what is the meaning of jealous...
that let me tasted my own tears, and knew that tears are salty...
that let me experience how painful when your heartbreaks... ouch!
No way, i'm gonna find another one like you! no!
You will always live in my heart!

It's ok! Things have seem to be settling down...
It's really time for me to go...
It's time for me to close my eyes and nvr wake up.
My wish, is for every single people around me to hate me!
Hope you understand. hope you realised something.!
Dont be sorry, cause you did nothing wrong.... (;

Now, i learn to lie!
Even if you are the closest person to me, i will still lie to you...
My words are all lies... so dont listen and believe...
I'm 'HAPPY'~!
Hoho(:

Nights!

~I'm dying~

disappointed

Keeping this post short.

I'm happy!
You believe?

My senses hint me something...
I believe it this time round...
and guess what...
I dont feel a single thing!

Hahs....
It time for me to go....
Your happiness is the clue for me....

Tell me nothing...
cause i knew everything...
hoho!

I'm stupid....

Nights readers.
Only i can understand this post... i guess...:P

~I wont hate you~

i'm dead

Gonna be short....

05/09/2010...
Ken's dying day....

Today phone nvr ring....
I wonder is it spoil or what...
but not... it's working well...

I miss you, i miss you, i miss you....
You've put me into a test today....
And eventually i fail....
cause i miss you... i'm use to talking to you everyday....
Moody....

What can i do?
nothing lo...
you have your life...!
you have your freedom...!

Time can tell and prove everything...
Hours without you, is torturing me...
Day without you, is killing me....
DO you know?

I'll remain in silence...
Night readers...
All is fated...
"God, can you hear me?"

~Precious ... ~

Who exactly know me...?

Moody now...
Short post....

I wonder, who exactly know me well....

Have you ever wonder how i'm feeling?

Now let me tell you....
I dont give short reply while sms-ing, or in msn chats...
My: hahs... means a faint smile....
[;....... means a fake smile...
if i just reply a .k. i dont really mean it...
orh... means i'm sad....
there's just too many.... i'm lazy to type it all out....
nvm... also nobody would care either.....

How i wish you can understand how i feel at certain moment...?
How i wish you could feel or sense me?
O,o....

Nights reader.

~Icecream going heaven le, you know?~

My "best" compo...

This compo is said to be my most well written among all...
Posting it... as you demand it... (; hope you like it...

Sitting on the beach, i gazed longingly at the light blue sky dotted with whispery clouds that were dancing above me. It was one of my classmate's birthday. I could not help with the setting up of the fire for the barbeque later on, and so i strolled to the beach. My thoughts were wandered into the happy moments of my life.

I was jolted from my thoughts when i heard a loud screaming voice. "Help!"Help!" , it was a girl's scream, and were getting louder. A mixture of curiousity and caution prompted me to find out what was happening. With lightened steps, i traced the scream. To my horror, two burly men, twice my size had a girl cowering in fear.

She was almost on her knees as she tried to plea them to let her go. When one of the men swung and slapped the girl, i lost my inhibitions and sprung forward. Strubling forward with both my fists holding up, i yelled at the top of my voice for them to stop.

None of the two men were panicing, they stood, staring at me, unwavering, clenched fists at their sides and shoulders taut. My arms still raised as i know they were going to attack me. One of the men took out a knife that has been tucked in his back pocket, an attack was imminent. Looking around, i searched frantically for a weapon that i could use to chase them away. Sadly, there was nothing around i could use except a few fallen leaves. I gathered all my courage, and shouted at them again to call them to stop.

I was about to prepeare myself for an attack when i heard a shout from a near distance. My friends were running towards me. The two burly men realised that they are outnumbered, they kept their weapons and stomped off with an angry face. They stomped off fast and we soon lost sight of them. The girl was still frightened and she laid her head on my shoulder and whispered, "Thank you," into my ear. We become friends and later in the week, i realised that she was from the same school as me!

-The end-

All the best!!!
Night readers!o,o

~If life were like a well-written story....~

Nothing more...

Exams started today...
Slept only 3 hours last night...
haiis... but still very energetic now leh...
there's something wrong with me...

Yesterday, was a 'dots day'....
believe or not... up to you... ?
Woke up in the morning... teachers day.. no school...
got a very very very strange feeling....
like thing bad, shocking, unexpected, sad is going to happened....
waited and waited.... sms-ing my precious sister at the same time...
then in the evening... hahas... guess what....
what i thought is true!
You ask me that question.... like after so long....
and i honestly told you everything, spilled all out....
Hahs... dont know why i feel different after letting you know....
Felt like a free person... but yet i still have to say sorry to you....
Hope things will go smoothly in future ba....

Somethings i really dont understand...
somethings i would rather choose not to understand....
but yet there are somethings that happen to went into your ears...
and somehow or where, it affect you....
( understand)???

Takecare of yourself, girl!

~I love you, i really do~