Who am I to you?

I did something foolish, ad somewhat i felt that it is a joke.

I make the wrong choice of confessing to you that night,
but now i realised that it's a right chioce that i did not confess to you last night.

I spend my whole night at your work place.
In the first place, i swear i did not go purposely.
Before that, i already have a bad feeling about it.

I spend my whole night there.
When i saw you, i was enlighten! Seriously!
It's been days since i last saw you, but to me it's like centuries long.
I really miss you.
Though we text each other, i felt that you've change.
As in the way you text me.
Is it because now you know i like you, or is it because of something else.

Before i leave your workplace, i say i will wait for you to off work, and you replied ok.
I was happy. I dont deny.
But I waited from 6 to 9am.
The weather condition was cold and dizzling.
I waited with an empty stomach, and Daniel saw that i almost puke out.
I send out three text at the earlier time but you reply at 8;59.
I believe that you left the place, with someone else i guess.
I seriously had no idea what's your reason for this action.
That duration that i was there waiting for you,
and the reply you gave.
It really tells me how much i meant to you, even we were just friends.
All the while, I was having flashback.
Though we did not knew wach other for long but still...
From the day i met you, all the fun times, the sad moments, it all came to me at once.
I dont think you even care about my presence in your life.
With or without me it's the same.

When i recieved your text, or maybe i can say the last text....
Actually i dont feel that upset at the first place, but the smile you put at the end.
It tells and shows me everything. Perhaps let me see through you.
If it was meant to be a joke, I can tell you it isn't funny.
I am not angry at you, totally NO, i swear!
I just dont know why, and disappointed.
After viewing that text, i walk from cine to ion.
On the journey, there's a 'undescribeable' feeling in me.
There's a chinese saying, "Cry with no tears."
Now i know how it felt like, i seriously dont like it.

You are forgiven.
I wont blame you.
Im at fault too.

Maybe its better for me to be alone for now.
Sorry people if i did not replied your msg or answer your call.

~I love you, i really do. I just hope you gave me a chance to prove it to you.~

End here, I guess.

School:
It has been 3weeks since school reopens.
Time indeed flew pass fast.
Time is one thing that when it's gone it will definitely cannot be find back.
I'm lack of motivation to go school, like a seriously.
I feel that Ive lost something real important to me.
Sadly, I just don't know what is it.
When or where will I gain back my motivation?

Friends or clique:
I'm sorry!
I know I've not been myself this few days.
For now, I would like to remain like this, as it's the real side of me.
I don't want to be a funny person, neither childish nor naughty.
All I want now, is to be who I use to be.
I may have scare some of you, I'm sorry.
I just wish you all could understand.
Something or 'things' had hit me real badly this time round.
After it, I've decided to change back to who I use to be.
The 'boring boy' if you all wish to know.
I know I talk very little, neither did I joke nor play.
I'm tired, very tired, seriously exhausted.
I dont know how to further elaborate how I'm feeling now.

Life:
I guess life has really knock me down this time round.
I don't wish for anything now.
I just want to be simple, and lead a peaceful life.
It seems like i've given up, given up on everything.
Putting down what I use to be carrying, so when I'm dead I can fly up to heaven.
Ok, sounds lame.

You*:
It's been a long time since I last talk to you and see you.
From the start I knew this would happen.
I won't forget you, I won't forget what we've went through.
Then fun joy and laughter that me and you create.
I hope you are fine with your life now.
And perhaps found a goal in life that you wish to achieve for.
If we ever meet again, I would just want to say one thing: " Be happy and take good care of yourself. "

You**:
I don't know what have I done wrong.
I don't know why you are afraid of me now.
Though you did not mention, but I knew you were referring to me.
I had decided to stop and leave.
Its all my fault.
I started all this nonsense from the very start.
So, let me be the one suffering.
I just hope that I could have a chance to apologize to you face to face.

You***:
One year have gone.
I remember clearly The day that i met you.
Till now, I still do not know what had happen between us.
I always wanted to find chances to ask you but as day pass by, I tell myself not to.
You seem to be living your life happily without my presence.
Continue with it!
You have a great dream, you have a strong determination.
You have your reasons for all your actions, and I respect you !
I will pray to god and ask him to bless you on your coming major exam.
" Goodluck and all the best "

Ok, seems like I've spilled everything here.
Shall take a break.
Feeling much better now.
I wish everyone to be bless with good health and lead a better life each day!!!

~ I need not have show or tell that I misses you, deep in my heart I will just tell myself to remember you always.~

First day of school

School has reopen!
New faces, new class and new modules.
Today's module was somewhat fun and interesting.
Classmates were all very enthu and friendly.
Not bad after all....

To somebody:
If the decision you've made is really what you want then go for it.
I admit I was heartbroken when I heard that...
I nobody to change you, but can only give you advice.
I hope you remember what I told you last time.
I'm disappointed being a normal friend of yours though.
Hope you really put in deep considerations before coming up with the final decision.

Short post for today...
Not really in the mood anyway

October arrived

It's the start of October, which means holidays are coming to an end.
Sad life, boring life, no life!!!
School is reopening this Wednesday!
Not looking forward to it like seriously!!
Needa adapt to the new environment each day...
Meeting new people, and everything seems to start from zero again!
Never mind...
Being positive! I should just bear with it and after getting that diploma I'm off!!!

Hey girl! You had a unique character!
I may have certain things in me that I would like you to know...
Everyday I wish I had the chance to say it out but somehow it's not happening...
Or I can say it's not gonna happen anyway.
Never mind... I changing myself again.
Now I just wanna live my everyday life peacefully.
Let fate decide for you and me!

Everynight I hope that 2morow will be a peaceful day, instead of a better day!
That's because I don't need it to be any better as I think it's the best now!
One shouldnt demand for much in life..
Positive yay!!

~all I want is you to remember what I've done that have create an impact in your life.~

End of September

Today is Friday.
Went to chalet for the past three days and... ok it was quite fun actually but was also abit boring.
Boring because not all of them came and there wasn't really a well planned plan of what activities to do.
It was a chalet, or the only chalet that I've seen so many food that we wasn't able to finish it within three days.
I slept only two hours for that three day and don't really yet feel tired...
Weird uh!

Actually I was suppose to do something.
I dont know whether is it I did not have the chance to do it or I did not find the chance to do it.
Kinda feel wasted but nvr regret.
If I want to confess to you, it would only be just you and me.
Now i don't think I will have the chance again, as school is reopening soon.
I wish I would still be able to keep in contact with you and remain how we are like how we use to be.

"God, give me another chance. For the chance you gave me, I will gather all my courage and without hesitating I will say out all the words that I want to say to her."

Just a short one

I'm getting tired.
Really tired of life..
But still it must go on unless I die.

I'm tired of working, but if I dont work, I got no money..

I'm tired of going to school, though it's the holidays now, but school will be reopening in weeks time.
Changing of class, waking up early in the morning and the ling travel distance really pull my motivation down alot.

I tried hard not to think of you each day, but I fail...
No matter what I do will always makes me remind me to think of you. Is this love or what?
I know very well that we are from two very different world but I wish fate would bring us together by closing the gap in between us.

Shall sleep early tonight. forcing myself to wake up early and head for church 2morow morning.

~I just wanna let you know, I like you~

Fast isn't it?

So, one semester had past.

Holiday now, and when school reopen, it will be again a brand new start.

Going to have lots of awkward moments and knowing new people.

I'm not sure whether will i adapt to the new class and get bond with them
I'm a weird person, so as to speak, no ones understand me.

Getting on with life, after what happen about a month ago.

I still have no idea what went wrong between the two of us.

Things just seem to go worng so suddenly and i wish i would have the chance to ask you personally.

But sadly, i dont...

We are so close but yet so far.

What happen, between us, i serious had no idea and wish someone could just tell me

Now, i guess we are total stranger.

MAybe this may not be bad idea.

If fate allows, i hope we could bump into each other again, and start a new friendship.

After that, i decide to give up everything that i had held on for long.

Yes, i let go for that few pathetic days.

I dont know whether do i just had a crush on you or certainly just treating you as a very close friend.

The rest say that my action were too obvious to tel that i like you.

But i ask myself, is it true??

I'm always uncertain about my feelings, whihc i hate it alot.

How? Is there any kind soul out there that would guide me.

EVen if i confess to you, i already knew what's your response or answer would be.

Contradicting is, if i never try how i know it will fail?

Haiis....

Work was gettting somewhat boring..

I felt that i got position over there any more.

No one to blame, but the world is changing.
From what i can see, each banch of new people that are coming in are different.

Too different from last time.

Never mind, work for the money and maintain the motivation and relationship i had build up over there.

Lesser and lesser people are working..

we are getting less and less bond together.

Everyone is busy with life, i guess.

When i'm at work, i will have lots and lots of flashback.

Standing there, nothing to do, makes me think back of the happy moments i had over there.

How i wish time would stop there and the fun and joy i had with her nvr ends.


Sometimes i miss the times that i call you 'Baby', had lunch together, laughing together, playing while working together, and i spend this year valentines day with you.

I had the flash back that you cried in front of me, and i felt useless...

All of this will never gonna happen again.

What have gone had gone far far away and never will it come back again.

Hope that things will become better.

Yes, frankly speaking i'm sad.

Deeply in me i felt unfair.

But i'm old enough to be mature enough to think positively.

It maybe stormy right now but it will not rain forever.

I will try to be strong and will stand back up after each knock down.

I will smile as much as i could to keep me from thinking too much.

"I just want to say, i have feelings for you, yes i still do though i said i've give up.I may not be the one whom you will choose, but rather i hope i had the chance to be the one."

~Loving one person doesn't mean you have to be together with her, but rather make her live her life happily, and when she is happy, you yourself will be happy too.~

Tiring day. How come?

Today it's a tiring day for me.
Dont know why also...
Early in the morning wake up unwilling...
Force myself to school de...
Haiis... dont feel like going school...
HAve to travel so far and spend so many hours sitting down.
No choice and have to tolerate for three years.

There's so many things i want to say but i dont know where to start from.
The way i talk to you now is like how we talk at the beginning of our friendship.
Short conversations.... haiis...
Who to blame? Me lo....

Tired ttm. Resting early tonight.
Goodnight reader.
Will post longer 2morow.

~i love you, but i dont know what would happen if i confess to you.~

Did i make the wrong choice?

Today is a busy day for me, i guess.
So many things to do, need to finish the poster stand and still got UT!
Haiis....
UT was still okok, able to do some of the questions.

There's so many questions in me that i kept asking myself.
But what for i kept asking myself and there's no answer to it???
Where can i find the answer, when can i know the answer?
I seriously came to a point where i dont even know what i'm doing??
I dont even know who am i, or do i really know myself well?
HAve i made the right choice to wait?
Am i really gonna give up the whole forest just for that particular seed still buried in the ground.
Am i still gonna stubborn, or is it the right thing to do?
I seriously dont know, really dont know...

I guess that keepig quiet is the best solutions to all.
Nothing would change if i say it out, but then if i dont say it out, things changes fast and unexpected.
Why is it like this?
or is this life??
Who exactly can give me the answer to all my questions, to all my doubts?

(Hey, i just wanna tell you that i miss the time where we use to be so close together.
We had fun at work, all the joy and laughter we had. I miss the day that i spend my this year Valentine's day with you. The lunch at Pizza Hut, and how we spent our day at work. I did have the urge to buy a present for you, but i was too late. I miss the chance and i dont think there's another time i could do it again. I miss that night that you cry in front of me. I was shock, i was at a loss of what to do. I feel like hugging you but i never, beecause i dont dare to. Instantly i felt heartbroken seeing your tears roll out of your eyes, and i felt useless at that point in time. I miss the time that i use to send you to the bus stop every night after work. Even though i did not send you back home but still i felt.... Now... it's all gone... it has ended and i guess there wont be another time where allthis could hapen again.)

I miss everything, i lost all the thing, because f my foolish act and decision.!!
I wish that somebody can just give me one tight slap and wake me up!
there's nothing i could do now. So, i'm jut gonna go with the flow.
Praying to GOd and hopes he hears my voices.

Night readers!

I'm back...

So many things happen in this few months..

Work:
I've transfer from Sushi Tei ( SG) to ( NEX ) .
Never regretted on my decision and i think it's the correct choice to leave there though having much relationship with the people there.
Now, everyone have left, two seniors of mine have quit, AM has transfer to ( TP ) and seldom part timers are wroking nowsadays.
So, luckily i left and came ot NEX. Though till now i still cant find or create the feeling that i once use to had at the previous outlet, i'm trying hard t create that among the whole service crew. I hope one day, we wil be exactly like a family.

Studies:
School have started. A month have pass. And UT is round the corner.
School was kinda cool. Met a class of 25 new friends. Quite a fun and interesting class to be in.
Learning new stuffs again, in a total new environment.
Problem solving, Organisational behaviour, Engineering Design, Math, Science!! Woots!!
Interesting and fun modules!
But but but... i dislike the timetable... everyday the same routine...
830-330, each day just that is a diff module.
MAybe after a few more weeks i will be adapt to it le ba..
Missing the life in secondary school!!! but this is life, everyone of us have to move on and none should choose to move back.

Life:
Kinda closing an eye towards everything.
Tolerance and forgiveness i'm telling myself everyday.
Now, i know more about myself, after this few months.
Now i know that, im always unclear of my feelings.
Never once had i been clear of it... tmd... seriously..
I blame no one.. but myself... blaming myself on everything....
Telling myself to be more positive looking.

Love:
I should apologise to you, even though i dont know what i've done wrong...
I knew things would turn out to be like this, like how it is like today...
You going towards the left to achieve your high goals in life, and i take the right path which leads me to where i want to go to.
The problems lies on, we do not know each other well enough, and now everything turns to be like this.
I'm should go with the flow now ba.
Never am i gonna tell you how much i use to love you.
Earth is round, if we are fated we will meet one day, somewhere!

====
Still quite alot of stuffs to say....
never mind... slowly post ba....
no rush....
Byebye!!!

-Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leap fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it's destination, full of hopes.-

It's another....

Hi blog!! Guess nobody is looking at this blog already...

Blog maybe later in the day.

Quite alot of thngs to post!