End of September

Today is Friday.
Went to chalet for the past three days and... ok it was quite fun actually but was also abit boring.
Boring because not all of them came and there wasn't really a well planned plan of what activities to do.
It was a chalet, or the only chalet that I've seen so many food that we wasn't able to finish it within three days.
I slept only two hours for that three day and don't really yet feel tired...
Weird uh!

Actually I was suppose to do something.
I dont know whether is it I did not have the chance to do it or I did not find the chance to do it.
Kinda feel wasted but nvr regret.
If I want to confess to you, it would only be just you and me.
Now i don't think I will have the chance again, as school is reopening soon.
I wish I would still be able to keep in contact with you and remain how we are like how we use to be.

"God, give me another chance. For the chance you gave me, I will gather all my courage and without hesitating I will say out all the words that I want to say to her."

Just a short one

I'm getting tired.
Really tired of life..
But still it must go on unless I die.

I'm tired of working, but if I dont work, I got no money..

I'm tired of going to school, though it's the holidays now, but school will be reopening in weeks time.
Changing of class, waking up early in the morning and the ling travel distance really pull my motivation down alot.

I tried hard not to think of you each day, but I fail...
No matter what I do will always makes me remind me to think of you. Is this love or what?
I know very well that we are from two very different world but I wish fate would bring us together by closing the gap in between us.

Shall sleep early tonight. forcing myself to wake up early and head for church 2morow morning.

~I just wanna let you know, I like you~

Fast isn't it?

So, one semester had past.

Holiday now, and when school reopen, it will be again a brand new start.

Going to have lots of awkward moments and knowing new people.

I'm not sure whether will i adapt to the new class and get bond with them
I'm a weird person, so as to speak, no ones understand me.

Getting on with life, after what happen about a month ago.

I still have no idea what went wrong between the two of us.

Things just seem to go worng so suddenly and i wish i would have the chance to ask you personally.

But sadly, i dont...

We are so close but yet so far.

What happen, between us, i serious had no idea and wish someone could just tell me

Now, i guess we are total stranger.

MAybe this may not be bad idea.

If fate allows, i hope we could bump into each other again, and start a new friendship.

After that, i decide to give up everything that i had held on for long.

Yes, i let go for that few pathetic days.

I dont know whether do i just had a crush on you or certainly just treating you as a very close friend.

The rest say that my action were too obvious to tel that i like you.

But i ask myself, is it true??

I'm always uncertain about my feelings, whihc i hate it alot.

How? Is there any kind soul out there that would guide me.

EVen if i confess to you, i already knew what's your response or answer would be.

Contradicting is, if i never try how i know it will fail?

Haiis....

Work was gettting somewhat boring..

I felt that i got position over there any more.

No one to blame, but the world is changing.
From what i can see, each banch of new people that are coming in are different.

Too different from last time.

Never mind, work for the money and maintain the motivation and relationship i had build up over there.

Lesser and lesser people are working..

we are getting less and less bond together.

Everyone is busy with life, i guess.

When i'm at work, i will have lots and lots of flashback.

Standing there, nothing to do, makes me think back of the happy moments i had over there.

How i wish time would stop there and the fun and joy i had with her nvr ends.


Sometimes i miss the times that i call you 'Baby', had lunch together, laughing together, playing while working together, and i spend this year valentines day with you.

I had the flash back that you cried in front of me, and i felt useless...

All of this will never gonna happen again.

What have gone had gone far far away and never will it come back again.

Hope that things will become better.

Yes, frankly speaking i'm sad.

Deeply in me i felt unfair.

But i'm old enough to be mature enough to think positively.

It maybe stormy right now but it will not rain forever.

I will try to be strong and will stand back up after each knock down.

I will smile as much as i could to keep me from thinking too much.

"I just want to say, i have feelings for you, yes i still do though i said i've give up.I may not be the one whom you will choose, but rather i hope i had the chance to be the one."

~Loving one person doesn't mean you have to be together with her, but rather make her live her life happily, and when she is happy, you yourself will be happy too.~

Tiring day. How come?

Today it's a tiring day for me.
Dont know why also...
Early in the morning wake up unwilling...
Force myself to school de...
Haiis... dont feel like going school...
HAve to travel so far and spend so many hours sitting down.
No choice and have to tolerate for three years.

There's so many things i want to say but i dont know where to start from.
The way i talk to you now is like how we talk at the beginning of our friendship.
Short conversations.... haiis...
Who to blame? Me lo....

Tired ttm. Resting early tonight.
Goodnight reader.
Will post longer 2morow.

~i love you, but i dont know what would happen if i confess to you.~

Did i make the wrong choice?

Today is a busy day for me, i guess.
So many things to do, need to finish the poster stand and still got UT!
Haiis....
UT was still okok, able to do some of the questions.

There's so many questions in me that i kept asking myself.
But what for i kept asking myself and there's no answer to it???
Where can i find the answer, when can i know the answer?
I seriously came to a point where i dont even know what i'm doing??
I dont even know who am i, or do i really know myself well?
HAve i made the right choice to wait?
Am i really gonna give up the whole forest just for that particular seed still buried in the ground.
Am i still gonna stubborn, or is it the right thing to do?
I seriously dont know, really dont know...

I guess that keepig quiet is the best solutions to all.
Nothing would change if i say it out, but then if i dont say it out, things changes fast and unexpected.
Why is it like this?
or is this life??
Who exactly can give me the answer to all my questions, to all my doubts?

(Hey, i just wanna tell you that i miss the time where we use to be so close together.
We had fun at work, all the joy and laughter we had. I miss the day that i spend my this year Valentine's day with you. The lunch at Pizza Hut, and how we spent our day at work. I did have the urge to buy a present for you, but i was too late. I miss the chance and i dont think there's another time i could do it again. I miss that night that you cry in front of me. I was shock, i was at a loss of what to do. I feel like hugging you but i never, beecause i dont dare to. Instantly i felt heartbroken seeing your tears roll out of your eyes, and i felt useless at that point in time. I miss the time that i use to send you to the bus stop every night after work. Even though i did not send you back home but still i felt.... Now... it's all gone... it has ended and i guess there wont be another time where allthis could hapen again.)

I miss everything, i lost all the thing, because f my foolish act and decision.!!
I wish that somebody can just give me one tight slap and wake me up!
there's nothing i could do now. So, i'm jut gonna go with the flow.
Praying to GOd and hopes he hears my voices.

Night readers!

I'm back...

So many things happen in this few months..

Work:
I've transfer from Sushi Tei ( SG) to ( NEX ) .
Never regretted on my decision and i think it's the correct choice to leave there though having much relationship with the people there.
Now, everyone have left, two seniors of mine have quit, AM has transfer to ( TP ) and seldom part timers are wroking nowsadays.
So, luckily i left and came ot NEX. Though till now i still cant find or create the feeling that i once use to had at the previous outlet, i'm trying hard t create that among the whole service crew. I hope one day, we wil be exactly like a family.

Studies:
School have started. A month have pass. And UT is round the corner.
School was kinda cool. Met a class of 25 new friends. Quite a fun and interesting class to be in.
Learning new stuffs again, in a total new environment.
Problem solving, Organisational behaviour, Engineering Design, Math, Science!! Woots!!
Interesting and fun modules!
But but but... i dislike the timetable... everyday the same routine...
830-330, each day just that is a diff module.
MAybe after a few more weeks i will be adapt to it le ba..
Missing the life in secondary school!!! but this is life, everyone of us have to move on and none should choose to move back.

Life:
Kinda closing an eye towards everything.
Tolerance and forgiveness i'm telling myself everyday.
Now, i know more about myself, after this few months.
Now i know that, im always unclear of my feelings.
Never once had i been clear of it... tmd... seriously..
I blame no one.. but myself... blaming myself on everything....
Telling myself to be more positive looking.

Love:
I should apologise to you, even though i dont know what i've done wrong...
I knew things would turn out to be like this, like how it is like today...
You going towards the left to achieve your high goals in life, and i take the right path which leads me to where i want to go to.
The problems lies on, we do not know each other well enough, and now everything turns to be like this.
I'm should go with the flow now ba.
Never am i gonna tell you how much i use to love you.
Earth is round, if we are fated we will meet one day, somewhere!

====
Still quite alot of stuffs to say....
never mind... slowly post ba....
no rush....
Byebye!!!

-Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leap fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it's destination, full of hopes.-

It's another....

Hi blog!! Guess nobody is looking at this blog already...

Blog maybe later in the day.

Quite alot of thngs to post!

It's over

19 dec 2010..

My birthday was like any other normal days...
Every year this day will be lonely...
This year, abit diff...
I was happy! but also abit sad...

Happy! cause there's a small group of ppl celebrate it with me...
Thanks alot guys!(:

Sad! cause i thought you would remember, and will be the first to wish me...
but nvm la... you didn't did it on purpose, just mix up the dates... and was late by half an hour...
still i got happy after you wish me, though it was half an hour late! (: not blaming you...

It's over le... that's it... hoping that what i wish for would come true ba.

Still i'm reminding myself certain facts...
Somethings i must know, and bear in mind...
It's also a reason why i dont dare to step one step forward....
I should just quietly wait for you ba....

Sometimes while chatting with you, i really wish you were beside me....
So you are able to see my reactions or know how i feel....
haiis... it's impossible la...

It may be the perfect cup of tea for me, but do i get the chance to drink it?

Things ain't easy as it seems....

Nights readers!

~ With determination, i'll try and i'll wait~

Short and simple

I'm currently working at Sushi Tel @ Nex mall!
It's the beginning and sure there's lots of problem,
but i'm sure things will turn well after sometime.

I sure of certain things.
Yes! I like you.
but i always bear in mind certain things....
and keep on reminding myself of it....
It's my first time trying and waiting for a special 'you'
I dont wish for much.... ( none of my wish came true before though)
So day passes fast each day... and dont know when will things gonna change....

nights readers
update in a weeks time!

~ your words do hurts sometimes but neither i show nor tell~

I thought things went the right way...

Yes, finally '' level i over.
Awaited long enough for this day to come...

Though it's the holday now...
freedom is all around me...
but still there are things that makes me emo...
i'm fated to be an emo kid..

Sometimes i do wonder whether am i a failure?
I would nvr get the things i wanted...
No matter how much i wish for,or strive for...
It would either slips pass my palm, or nvr even got a chance to grab it...
Ya, i like you. But i didn't show or tell you...
It's because i'm scared... i'm shy to take the first move...
maybe i should really make up my mind ba...
and now i really had came out with the correct decision...
I thank god for letting me know, what i should do...

I'm just a person, that cames into your life suddenly,
then after leaving footprints, i left.... o,o
it's just all this that could come to my mind...
should i be sad or happy?
something cant be explain... cause no one knows why...
Days spent with you was enjoyable...
It's gonna be short, and i'm gonna treasure it...
Not gonna say a word to you, dont wish you realise anything...
I just want you to forget me, and live happily.

Maybe, when the next time i saw you, we will be total strangers.
Hope that i would see you again. I'm leaving you.
I really know now le.

Nights reader.
I wont smile again...
even if my mouth smile, the knife still remains in my heart.
))))):

( It's impossible, even if i say it now.)
( I will miss you, but i wont say.)

I wanna say something..

Ok O level have started!
It's really time to concentrate!

A sotong:
I'm not trying to irritate you..
but just that i want to talk to you.
Promised to you, that i'm gonna drew that penguin for you.
I mean, it. And your words motivated me.
You said.: " Good things worth waiting! "
Happy ttm when i heard this! Cool!
I've started drawing and 2months is the max time you gonna wait.
Thanks!(:

Special you:
So awkward without you around.
You went oversea at the wrong time...
But nvm... your action touch me again.
Though those letter contain short para..
It all motivates me alot!
Thanks sis! you're the best!

We learn to pick up things, but also remember to learn to put down also.
I may seems positive to you, actually i'm not...
But what can i do...
so just close one eye and think positive lo!
I started to be positive because that cute sotong taught me!

haiiss... dont know what to say already....
Wish i could pass all the upcoming exams ba.

~I gotta close an eye to say i miss you~

I'm not happy at all...

The opposite of 'come' is 'go'.

Special one.-:
We knew each other not too long ago...
slowly we become very good friends...
then you become my sister...
Things change each day, and i knew we were part after sometime...
Today, it's the last day, and also the last time...
i am able to go to school with you...
take bus with you...
play and have fun with you.
you brought to me lots of fun joy and laughter.
You taught me things too.
I really wish that we would not part but still this things cant be avoided...
This is live, many things are fated.
I thank god for letting me to get to know you.
It's fated!:P
You surprise did touch me! Thank you!
I dont know what to say... but just have to admit that...
you are the best sister i have among all.
Though now i know we'll start to drift... but still
i willl try my very best to keep in contact with you.
Your response to my that "question" was not what i expected...
but still i gotta accepted it. it's special i admit, cause a special person gives special reply.
hahas... i'm not talking sense now, i think...
Anyway, thanks lots!(: loves!

Exactly one week to 'O' levels.
I dont think i'm gonna make it...
I doint have time to study...
i'm tired...
though my motivation is there to study...
but still dont know why i cant...
can somebody tell me why...
i'm putting aside all stuffs...
hope miracle happen ba...
i'm already chiong-ing god!
haiis....

I've got so many things to say to somebody.
But i dont think it's right to do so.
And i just want to simply tell you that,
i'm not angry at you.

Sotong girlgirl, i'm use to your unique character.
like finally!!(: know i'm starting to understand you.
You really let me know what is call...
the cold and hot times! Cool!

Never gonna give up anything!
Party till insane after 'O's

~I just wanna say, i miss you~

Gotta let it be...

Quite sometime didn't post le...
Many words to say, but just dont know how to start it...
Maybe start from the past ba...

-somebody-
Frankly speaking...
i abit angry at you.
but what for sia, i ask myself...
you ain;t that important to me anymore..
i'm not the cruel one.. it's you...
you had your happy life now.
so i dont even need to care right...?
Your words were all so convincing.
And i dont even think you know me now...
A total stranger as can say...
fine, things change.
I'm not gonna do anything and we see how things goes.

-Girl ar-...
You are just so 'uncommentable'....
Though me and you we like still very cold....
but i hope things could really change...
a few sms a day.. or not even one...
from you, can say it's killing me....last time...
now i can say... i'm use to it le...
It's up to you whether anot to sms me...
it's your character... so i'm accepting it...
You are just a innocent individual...

-Mei ar-
Sometimes i wonder whether is it too late to get to know you...
What if i had known you earlier??
Though the time we spent together is not alot...
but i do treasure my every second with you.
you gave me a very different feelings from the others...
I feel so warmth, fun and laugh alot when i'm with you.
Speaking the truth! I did not sleep in class for a week le..
As every morning i become your punching bag...
who hits away all my sleeping worm. hahahas!
I enjoy my time being with you.
You are a special individual...

In this world, everyone is different.
And people do change.

-Xiong di-
You've have change, do you realise?
Dont you realised that people around you are start to dislike you?
Dont you realised that somewhat your actions or words are affecting people around you...
Yes, you maybe good at everything....
but what's the point if you did not have a good character?
It's fine with me, whether you change into a monster or what...
cause the one losing out is not me and its you.
Knowing you long enough...
i'm sure you would come to your senses one day and realise your mistake.
i still have trust in you!(:

Night readers.
Have a nice night.
Studying now.
Got 4th in class... sadded):
Should have got better.
nvm, work harder for the last lap.

~I do, really, like you! you believe?~

I cant..

Today is already 30/09
It only three weeks to 'o' level...
only two weeks left for me in school...
chances of seeing you is getting lesser...

I'm not angry at you,
i'm not ignoring you,
i'm just making myself to accept who you are...
~
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring.
Pretty, cute. Excellent partners for life. Protective.
Inventive and imaginative. Cautious.
Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others.
Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
~
This is what horoscope says about Cancer.
I find it somehow true..

It doesn't make a difference whether do i sms you or never...
Dont you feel that something is not right?
I dont blame you, maybe you are too young to know..
I can only blame myself for falling into a special person like you.
I got nothing to say...
I wish nothing changes when holidays come.
Night readers.

~I'm timid to tell you, i miss you~

Fated ?O,o..

Yesterday was unexpected, as i can say so...
I somehow believe in fate...
and now, i have 80% trust in 'God'.

Firstly, went school with Krusita...
hahas. She so funny, then keep 'jacking' me...
hahas. unexpected...

Secondly, asist manager wasn't feeling well....
i was called back to help at night....
so i went.... unexpected....

Thirdly, i was on my way to work...
need take bus from tpy interchage....
bus 73... then i went to queue for it...
but then my so called ' senses' told me that 'she' is in tpy central....
ok then i got out of the queue... and went to withdraw money...
then i say to myself.... if we have fate we will meet each other...
just when i finish... i looked up.... OMG!!! 'she' really did appear in front of me....
I was wordless, and we just say hello... O,O... OMG!
hahhahahs... happy!(: .... unexpected... for the first time...!!

Fourth, i was called to take charge of the queue for the first time...
hahahas.... not much ppl today but still got abit jam in between....
at the end, i was so thirsty.... and hide in the kitchen to drink and eat...
hahas... unexpected...

Fifith, after work, go play pool.... thought that it would be a peaceful night...
but sadly, got check by five police officer.... =.="
haiis... iu got the gangster look meh? ): ....
...unexpected.....

"God, somehow now i believe that you are around.
I will try to find sometime out, to go to church.
thank you, now i think i know what you've plan for me....
but still i'm abit loss of what to do next...
or even what you have plan for me next???..."

Night readers..
'O' levels here i come...!!!(:

~Fated, yes i believe, i think~

A para of thoughts...

It's gone, and will always be.

I think it's really time when things starts to change.
My senses were right again. It really happen and it's changing everything.
I kept saying that somethings would change but somethings would not...
but now, i think i was wrong.
Impacts occurs... Nothing to stop it... cause it's all fated.
I'm gonna just let it flew off my hands...
If one day it comes back, i will not hold on to it....

Nights readers~!
Bypassers in life and Footprints are two different things....

~A blurblur you, makes me blurblur too~

WaitingWonderingWanting

Last month le... exactly...
After that i would have to say goodbye to everybody...
Times seem to flew past quickly, but moments will hold it back.

Waiting....-...
I waited for so many things....
I waited for 'O' levels...
I waited for holidays...
I waited for her...
I waited for someone sms...
.... seems like everyday i'm waiting....
Waiting is just a so common action use in everyday life.!(:
Eventually i started the conver... prepared and accepting who she is...
Somehow, a very different friend i had.... she's special in a way.
but i'm just only gonna treat her as a friend.... cause....
somethings dont change and would not change...

Wondering....-...
i wonder what is my future...?
i wonder what happen next...?
i wonder will be change to be good or bad...?
i wonder who will miss me if i die now...?
i wonder which job would i be in next time...?
.... everyone single one sure have thought of the future....
Who wouldn't want to know to future... o,o..
Wondering is good. I makes our brain think and so brain cells wont die off easily...
:P hahas... but dont think too far....
For me, i'm just taking one step at a time, and see how things go...
Facing any obstacles, and solving any problem met...
Be strong ppl!(:

Wanting....-...
i always want this want that...
but i know...
if the thing is mine, it will be...
but if it's not it will nvr gonna be....
And now, i tried to be positive le.. ( what you always tell me )
We dont demand for things, but we could wish for it...
Then we try hard to achieve it, in the correct way...
Treasure if we get it...
Dont give up if we didn't... but also sometimes we must learn to let go...

My motivation will be rebuild... soon...
Closing both my eyes... and not gonna look what's happening around.
My aims: Eng, B3, Chi, B4, CSci, B4, Chum, B4, Math, B4, DnT, A1
Hope i could achieve it! 40% use during prelims.. i shall see what i get...
Nights readers!

~Came at the right time~

Lies!

I cant believe that i came to a point in life....
that i had no choice and to tell lie...
I tried ok! i seriously tried! i do my best in any way....
But i cant, i just cant.... ):
What for i be honest with everything?
What do i get in return...? .... o,O?

I'm hate myself nowsaday... !!!
I'm not 'me' ... not behaving like what i usually does...
For example:
I will be friendly to anyone, and start a simple conversation...
...but now i dont.?
I will still talk, reply sms, or smile towards everyone....
...but now i dont.?
I will stop what i'm doing whenever you come to my mind...
... but now i dont.? ( shake my head, and off you go )
I will keep looking at my phone, hoping for your sms...
... but now i dont.? ( cause i'm waiting for you to sms me, and i know you wont )
I will have the motivation to force me to go school...
...but now i dont.? ( it just dont make sense )
I will eat at least three meals a day, and my medication on time...
...but now i dont.? ( no appetite, no point eatting med also )
Things went the other way, and i cant stop it.

Who exactly out there, knows me the best?
Who knows, when i dont reply a conver, means something is not right?
who knows, when do i mean my words, and when i dont?
who knows, when i'm joking, and when i'm serious?
who knows, when am i angry, sad, happy?
who knows, how i feel inside me?
who knows, how my life is like?

Ya, hong was right.
Lying is somehow good at certain times.
So, my words will all be 'lie' now...
Believe it or not?
If you care for me, know me well, feel me...
you will be able to tell...0,0

Night readers!
My mind is corrupted...
I'm 'happy' ppl...

~Lies are everywhere in this world~

Days only...

Somehow i feel i'm lack of something in life.
Somethings that i use to do everyday, doesn't seems to happen nowsaday...
I felt so empty in my heart... but i can't figure out what is it???
O,o???

I watch time flew pass me everyday...
A month to 'O' level... and i'm sure i did badly for my prelim...
I just do not have the confident... i lost it... and couldn't find it...
Now, i dont know why i'm going school for...?
I use to wake up early in the morning, and tell myself, i need to go school...
I use to have my motivation around me... but sadly, it's drifting away...
Is it my fault or whose fault...?
Now i only had to persevere the very last bit of motivation in me...

I got nothing to say, for once....
My mind was blank....
Haiis...Haiis...Haiis...
I'm wordless too...
Let see how it goes ba....
"God, i hope you would grant me three wishes"

Readers, have a nice day...
Bear in mind that... A decision you made in life, will affect your future.
Byebye

~I shouldn't step into your life~

Afternoon 15:15 , 11/09

It's the afternoon...
11/09, 15:15pm.... Warm and windy...

Day by day, hour by hour, mins by mins...
I watch the time flew away...
A blink of an eye... 'O' level is coming...
A blink of an eye... I knew you for exactly 4months...
A blink of an eye... I've waited for 3 and 1/2 month
A blink of an eye... A year is coming to an end...
Life can only be 'play', and not 'rewind'...

It's a warm afternoon, i'm laying on my bed, looking out of the windows...
Clouds in the sky, slowly flew past me. My went on to daydream....
First thing that comes to my mind, was you...
All the fun, joke, laughter... all the happy moments and sad time we had...
All this will be kept in my heart, i my mind...!
My happiest moment of life, you gave it to me...
My saddiest moment of life, you brought for me...
I like it. Everything that concerns you, i like it.
I'm use to re-read our conversation...
that's the only time when i felt that, the time is 'rewinding'...
At the very beginning, i senses tells me that it will be a endless conversation...
I tried to believe.... till days ago... i start doubting it...
Maybe this is fated. God meant it this way.
I'm use to sms-ing you everyday...
even if it's just one sms... i'm also satisfied.
I thought i could control myself....
Sadly tell you i couldn't... dont need 24hours, just 8hours.... or less...
i start to miss you... i tried hard to force myself in ways not to think of you...
but i dont know why i just cant.... i hate myself... seriously.
Now, i'm feeling moody... heart's aching again...
I know there's nothing i could do... i can't change the way you think...
I got no power to change anything.... i'm just a 'no-body'....
This is my life.
I love you. That's why i tell myself i must be happy.
Though i'm sad, but i will remain happy...
though my heart broke, but still i will cover the wound and smile at you...
though i'll leave you one day, but my feelings will nvr change,
And i will miss/think of you, like how i do everyday.
Maybe, this is it ba... let nature take it course.
Even i know i'm hurt, injured badly...
but i'm trying hard to be strong, and stand back up.
No harm liking someone... though i knew there's not a single hope...
I will just, hahas, smile. Carry on with life.

Have a nice day.

~What will happen next, i wonder~